Life Happens
by Coraline Keller
Summary: A collection of stories that reflect on my everyday life...
1. The Grocery Store

Life Happens

I've come up with these short stories so you can get to 'know the author' kind of thing. These things are based on the true happenings in my life….yeah these actually happened.

******Chapter 1******

The Grocery Store

The car halted to a stop and pulled into the rather tight spaced square that was directly under a flickering lamppost. My mom and I opened the car doors simultaneously, and proceeded to the grocery store. The drooling food-slaves pushed their carts into the magic-jedi doors that opened every .5 seconds squishing the too-slow carters. It was all about the timing…

So we ran. Oh how we ran…. we ran directly into those bastard doors, trampling over the blood and gore that was of past shoppers. I almost tripped over the severed arm of a toddler when we made it…

Phew….

The smell of dead animal carcass still lingered on our clothes but that's okay, don't fret….we are still alive. …And so we pushed our cart to the produce isle and picked whatever our stomachs demanded us to get.

"POTATOS!" it screamed, "We need more…POOOOTAAAATOOOOSSSS!!!"

"No!" the kidneys yelled. "Get the fruit… get it NOOOOOOWWW!"

"Oh shut up are you that inapt?" the brain said calmly. "Now. WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY PEANUTS!"

My head hurt. Why must my body always argue with each other?

As my organs continued to yell, when a man stopped to look at me. His eyes were turned yellow and let out a rather horrible scream…

Then he sneezed…

The debris flew out of his disgusting mouth and it fell to the floor. The green colored fluid burned right through it….

We came to the next isle…it in was the lair of the Bloosh…that's right the Bloosh…

It let out its ear-piercing screech and rushed right for us…why is it this hard to get onion rings?

With ninja –like reflexes I kicked it right in the groin….but wait…the Bloosh does not have a groin! Its gooey body constricted my foot like a snake. I was surely doomed! When my mother poured some salt on it. It burned and melted to the ground. We have won once again.

Last stop was the ice cream, where the water gremlins live. Those sneaky bastards are always lurking about…when BOOM! Oh..it's just an old lady….Oh sweet God! The gremlins they're…they're tarring her face apart! Oh the humanity why? WHY?

My mom got the ice cream and we bailed….

So another boring day at the grocery store…why is life so dull?

THE END!!!!!


	2. A Dance Is A Dance Is A Dance

A Dance Is A Dance Is A Dance

The sun peeked into the sky, lighting the world slowly. I got out of bed and stretched out my gelatinous body (I am a new breed of Jell-O that turns into a solid as the day goes on). I stumbled down the stairs making squishy sounds with each step, and left behind a trail of revolting goo…I really hate mornings.

It was Friday; a fuzzy-all-over sensation filled my happy jelly body. I would finally get the rest I deserved after a hard week at school. I flipped through my calendar. To my pleasure not only was it Friday, which fill my jelly body with happiness, but it turns out a dance at the local high school was at 7:00 o' clock tonight. As much as I loved dances I really wanted to stay home and relax…but because of the circumstances (meaning it was at a HIGH SCHOOL!!) I figured I could make time.

The bus demons dropped me and the other learning slaves at the base of the Learning Hole, a dark underground tunnel were the spiders gnaw at your feet all day. To my discomfort only three were going to attend this party, only two I enjoyed the company of. No matter, we'll eat the third if he gets naughty.

After we left the Learning Hole for the weekend, I finally arrived home. I phoned my friend Shea, a 10-pounded GubGub, and screeched on and on about what clothes we'd wear, sending each other picture after picture via cell phone. After talking for about 300 more years, we were all set.

Shea, Kathryn, another friend of mine, um…the naughty one, and myself…met at the opening of the school. I was thankfully a solid when we reached the party; hopefully no one spills any water on me…Music filled the room, which Kathryn enjoyed because her tail was thumping loudly on the dance floor. The other kids we're either standing awkwardly in the corner texting their friends (which ya knew they weren't) so they didn't look that pathetic, or obnoxiously moving about the dance floor…I was more the happy to know I was neither.

About an hour or so into the dance, my bladder was engorged with pee. I needed to go to the bathroom, but the Bathroom Ninjas weren't going to let me relive myself that easily. So there I was, dodging slick punches, stealthy kicks, and eternal organs. When I finally reached the bathroom, I well….peed.

After my near to death experience with the ninjas a voice caught my attention.

"Heyy." he said

"Hello." I replied. (My God…it was a boy…good thing I went to the bathroom)

"Wats ur name?" He asked

"Alyssa." I said and walked away….just walked away. How stupid…

An hour after my extreme manner mistake I was confronted once again with the mysterious boy.

"Hello." He said. His two fiends surrounded him.

"Hi." I said a bit frightened "I forgot to ask, what is your name?"

"Larry." The kind stranger boy replied.

"Well it's nice to meet you."

About an hour past by and I was having a considerably good time…in fact

I WAS SMILEING!!!!

Yes! Pure joy raced through my veins. Electric charged beams spiraled through my flesh when, _it_ happened.

Once again I spotted Larry. His face beaming at something, no someone….

Oh God! I could not believe what I was seeing….it was the Whore Bot 3000!

And it was doing exactly what it was programmed to do, and that was TO BE AN APSOLUT WHORE!!!! I was not going to let it just destroy my night so I did what I had to do. I bitch slapped it (Yeah, and why the hell not!). As quick as I delivered my blow the Whore Bot 3000 sprung into action. Its cheap perfume made it's way to my nostrils and knocked me out…cold. Minutes later I woke up in a daze. The Whore Bot trusted itself to me, as if it was about to grind with a stupid boy. Once again I was out…(A blur!). Now I was angry I forced myself up and boom knocked the filthy slut's head right off. I have won this round.

THE END!!!!!


End file.
